Marketers agree that if you see or hear a message seven times, it sticks. So, when several social media posts, podcasts and a conversation with a friend pointed to Mel Robbins, a New York Times bestselling author, I took notice.  

Robbins’ latest book, The Let Them Theory, has gained global notoriety as a practical tool to prevent ‘other people’s opinions, drama and judgement’ from impacting your life. I was taken by its grand promise and charmed by its dopamine green cover which screamed for attention.  

So, I added it to my reading list by reserving it at my local library, but weeks went by without any updates. When I followed up, I was politely told there were 17 other readers in front of me. Yikes! The demand for self-help in January is real.   

I had two choices: be patient or purchase. I decided patience was a virtue.  

I spent some time reflecting on why I wanted to indulge in this ‘life-changing tool’ and put it down to growing apprehension for the year ahead. Was I ready to embrace my personal expectations for the year ahead?  

A few months passed and I finally received the call. I marched back to the library and raced home to unlock the secret to being set free from life’s ‘exhausting cycle’.  

It was an easy read. Perhaps too easy. That’s not a criticism, more of a personal reflection that I hold an unhelpful belief that if things aren’t difficult then I worry I’ve not put enough work in to justify the result (but that’s for another blog).  

A few more pages in and I still wasn't learning the secret. Rather, Robbins' was celebrating her army of fans who had already adopted her theory – creating unnecessary suspense.  

Taking a deep breath, I tried again. While the chapters offered some value, what I most appreciated was a handful of hidden encouragements that began to counter some of my critical self-talk overhanging from winter.  

Three pearls of wisdom from Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory that have improved my year so far  

Not every email needs a response and not every conversation needs input.  

It’s OK to be silent sometimes. I have a hybrid career, which includes working for a large charity, where many projects require collaboration with several stakeholders at once. This means conversations move at pace, increasing the risk of crossed wires.  

At the time of reading this advice, I’d recently been asked to agree expectations with a senior colleague, but every time I did it resulted in a miscommunication. I’d apologise, check my facts and hurriedly try again, yet the vicious cycle repeated to the point where my ego bruised with incompetence. I wasn’t at fault, but I certainly felt flawed.  

This sentence reminded me that my value isn’t solely based on my interactions and it’s acceptable to plan your next step, while acknowledging that pauses are not the same as silence.   

You are never stuck. You can leave any time you want.  

How often do we feel like we’re stuck in the same job, same house and same lifestyle with the same responsibilities? Robbins’ reminder that we’re free to change, or at least consider it, was an eye-opener.  

I’m guilty of occasionally feeling frustrated that the choices I’ve made have boxed me in, but this fails to acknowledge that my excuses mask a deeper fear of failure. 

For example, I have a driving licence but I've never owned a car. In fact, it’s been more than five years since I’ve even been behind a wheel. On the surface, I project a lifestyle choice of prioritising sustainability, but, deep down, my inexperience prevents me from picturing myself as a confident driver. From, ‘how do I choose a car that’s right for me?’ (rational concern) to ‘what if I cause an accident?’ (catastrophising concern), both thoughts get in the way of me creating an action plan to accept or change my situation.    

Other people’s wins are not your losses.  

We all know how easy it is to accidentally start 'doomscrolling' on social media. Although social media is good for connection, it inevitably drives comparison between what’s happening in other people’s lives and ours.  

Robbins rightfully reassures readers that success is limitless; there’s enough for everybody. Once we shift our mindset that a win-lose equilibrium don’t exist, it allows us to genuinely celebrate with and for people, while motivating us to also go after what we want.  

Although I had to find the fruit, so to speak, I did feel a sense of nourishment having read The Let Them Theory. I know it won’t necessarily fulfil me in the long-term, in a way that talking therapy could, but it did empower me to be more optimistic about ‘owning’ the year, opposed to passively living through it.  

Robbins includes helpful scenarios and her vulnerability throughout meant thoughts and themes were normalised as I progressed through the chapters, with practical takeaways to help think and act differently.  

I wouldn’t necessarily return to this book, but there’s no harm in listening to the theory’s principles on Robbins’ podcast to see if it can put a spring in your step this summer.   

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by day-to-day life, or feeling stuck with no opportunity to change, why not consider how long-term affordable counselling could help. The Fountain Therapy Trust offers in-person and online support for the local community in New Malden, Kingston, Surbiton, Wimbledon and beyond. Complete our ‘contact us’ form to learn more.  

Donna is an integrative counsellor running a small private practice, while supporting The Fountain Therapy Trust.