I recently binge-watched ITVX’s eight-part drama Fake, inspired by Stephanie Wood’s memoir. The series tells the story of an Australian magazine writer who falls in love with a compulsive liar she met on a dating app.

In the first scene we’re introduced to Birdie whose anxiety delivers main character energy in its own right. We also build up a picture of her support network, including: her mother, gay best friends, goddaughter and colleagues.

The show’s main message may warn of the perils of online dating, particularly in a society where etiquette leans towards ‘trust until deceived’, but I was far more troubled by the weighty expectations Birdie’s social circle placed on her to pursue a relationship – for fear her time was running out.

On one hand she was judged for glossing over red flags while, at the same time, berated for not breaking down her long-standing emotional walls. She couldn’t win! To me, the show also emphasised small ways couples are rewarded, such as improved social standing demonstrated through more frequent event invites, which was slowly grounding Birdie down, while contributing to her becoming dazed and confused by her new partner’s inconsistent behaviour and struggling to make it all make sense.

I had empathy for Birdie. She was seen, respected and celebrated once in a relationship, but was this because her happiness rubbed off on others, or a collective relief that her long-term singleness no longer caused others to feel uncomfortable?

‘Don’t take it so personally’, I hear you say. OK, I’ll admit it. It struck a personal chord.

As a single middle-aged woman who struggles with the concept of online dating (I don’t judge it, I just don’t wish to judge others the same way they’ll judge me – without a moment’s thought), it felt like a possible flash-forward. Less around deceptive dating, more on the need to remain resilient to deny, defend or deflect my solo status.

It’s sometimes difficult to talk about your true feelings as a lone ranger because you don’t want people to worry, as that would create a sense of shame. But, if you do share your feelings, you also want to avoid becoming a board that others can metaphorically pin their fantasy ideals about being single on – generally centred around freedom to live anyway you (or they) want. That creates a sense of pressure or disappointment.

In one episode, there’s a scene where Birdie’s stressed on her way to the airport. She’s in conversation with her best friend and her emotions tumble out, including a lament that no one ever comes to visit her. She goes out but always comes home to an empty house.

That got to me.

Perhaps my mistake was to invest in this show during a Bank Holiday weekend where I had more time alone which can lead to loneliness - but there are ways to overcome it.

For me, it starts with confiding in a trusted friend to begin acknowledging my true feelings, asking reflective questions and finding ways to show self-compassion to boost my self-esteem.

Questions such as:

• Why is a TV show making me think so deeply about my relationship status?
• When have I felt judged for being single?
• Am I happy with how life currently is? If not, what's preventing me from making changes and am I prepared to explore this in more detail?

Better still, you could try talking to a counsellor. Not because there’s a problem that needs to be fixed, but because feelings around love, self-worth, intimacy and trust deserve to be explored and validated on multiple levels.

In my mind, Birdie was partly singing to other people’s tunes when she accepted a second date with her fake. But, arguably, her friends and family didn’t see the real her until a fantasist entered her life.

One thing’s for sure. Learning to be authentic is the healthiest way of being, and that goes for whether you’re single or not.

No matter where you're at in life right now, The Fountain Therapy Trust offers affordable, long-term in-person and online counselling support for the local community in New Malden, Kingston, Surbiton, Wimbledon and beyond. Complete our 'contact us' form to learn more. 

Donna is an integrative counsellor running a small private practice, while supporting The Fountain Therapy Trust.