Having recently been on holiday and re-discovered there’s more to Monday mornings than team meetings, I returned refreshed and swore blind I wouldn’t settle back into bad habits. Instead, I’d find ways to complete my duties without dutifully going without.  

Before my break I was showing up to work in body, but my mind was being stretched in multiple directions – juggling what needed to be done now, while pre-empting what might need to be done in my absence – meaning I was working doubly hard in half the time. Sounds impressive, but this party trick was delivered through a slightly snappy persona as I struggled to sleep due to excess stress.   

In fact, I was being driven by an overwhelming ‘superhero’ complex – a sense of responsibility to protect, save or fix which, by default, puts you in a position of high importance in situations – which was masking my guilt for travelling at a busy time in our corporate calendar.  

I feared my colleagues would resent me for abandoning them and no longer see me as reliable. And this stems from a deep-rooted belief that prioritising myself above others is wrong – which makes it difficult to set limits.   

So, as I sat at my desk to chew on the 550 emails lingering in my inbox, I realised I had a choice. To don my well-worn cape and continue saving the day, or try rescuing myself?  

Establishing personal and professional boundaries is easy to declare, but boundaries are only cemented when they’re being tested – and that’s generally when we start to feel uncomfortable.  

Part of this comes from viewing boundaries as an individual activity. Yet, as we seek to improve our relationships with colleagues, we should feel liberated by the idea that when we state our needs, we’re open to respecting their limits too. It’s not selfish, it’s a give-and-take see-saw which gives others the opportunity to understand you in the way you want to be understood.  

So, during the week, I implemented the following mental, emotional and physical boundaries:  

• Muting group instant message conversations to minimise distractions  

• Delaying my response to non-urgent instant messages or emails until I felt ready  

• Stepping away from my desk and embarking on a walk to buy some lunch  

• Delegating a meeting to a colleague who is better positioned to take my place  

What else would you have done?  

Trialling your own work principles won’t just support your productivity, decrease stress and improve your happiness, but it’ll also have a positive impact on your mental health.  

Part of my recent counselling journey focused on understanding why my identity was so intertwined with my career, and why I struggled to approach things differently. What would this require me to give up and how did this make me feel? 

All behavioural change is a work in progress, but the more we express our needs, the easier it’ll become to achieve balance.  

Whether you choose to pursue a work-life or life-work balance, is up to you.  

Counselling is an effective way to manage anxiety, depression, stress and difficult relationships, whether that’s at work or home. If you’re based in South West London and want access to affordable in-person or online counselling, complete our Fountain Therapy Trust form or speak to our team to learn more.  

Donna is an integrative counsellor at The Fountain Therapy Trust, having recently qualified through a part-time training programme at Kingston College.